Teaching Kids to Deal with Pain
By Jill L. Ferguson

Thirty years ago on a little league field in New York State a youngster injured his thumb when he was hit with the ball. The coach, who was also his father, looked at the digit, declared it couldn’t be too bad, so “be tough,” and sent the kid back into the game. Moments later, with his thumb turning a rainbow of shades and expanding to three times its usual size, the child’s mother yanked him off the field, and over the protests of his father, drove him to the emergency room. The doctor pronounced the thumb to be broken. At home that evening, after being told that his son’s thumb was broken, the father said he felt bad about his hasty judgement.

Though this scene took place two decades ago, it repeats itself (maybe under some variation) every year. Parents oftentimes brush off their children’s pain in an effort to dam the tears and curb the wailing. We are not intentionally trying to be mean. Let’s face facts, our child’s crying, when it is caused by injury, pains us. We do not want our children to be hurt or to feel pain. We may go as far as thinking, if only I could take this pain from her or him.

A child who is seriously ill or injured evokes sad emotions and causes us to think that life is unfair. The image of that ill child is out of our comfort range. Our mental images of children revolve around rosy faced, boys and girls with wind-blown hair, playing and laughing, enjoying life and sunshine.

But in reality, children do get hurt, sometimes seriously, and it may take more than a Band-Aid to make the boo-boo go away. When our children take a tumble as they learn to walk, take a spill from their bikes, or fall from a tree they have proudly climbed, we need to know how to handle the situation. Our mental attitudes, words and physical actions influence the amount of pain children feel, the level of hysteria they will reach and their mental associations about pain and life.